The Goal Was 10,000 Steps

Welcome to Sync & Thrive, the bi-weekly newsletter for couples who believe a well-designed life starts with well-designed health habits. Every Friday, we share insights, and every Tuesday, we provide the reset to put them into practice. If this was forwarded to you, you can join us here.

Hello ladies and gentlemen,

On Friday, we discussed shared novelty and why couples who consistently choose new experiences together build something that most couples slowly lose. Today, we want to show you what that actually looks like in practice.

Last week, Aaron and I committed to something deliberate. We were determined to hit 10,000 steps a day, and we meant it. By the end of the week, we had averaged 10,436 steps a day, which means we were walking close to a 10K race distance every single day. We set the goal because we wanted to move more together, and a goal without a plan is just a wish. So we built the days around it and made the steps happen by design, not by chance.

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Aaron and I have come to believe that movement is one of the most underrated ways to expand what is possible in your life together. Some of our best conversations have happened on walks. We have met people we never would have encountered otherwise. We have had exchanges that shifted how we were thinking about what we are building, opened a door we did not know was there, or pointed us in a direction we had not considered. You do not know what is under your feet until you start moving. The only way to find out is to keep going.

That is why the goal was never just about the number.

One of those days took us somewhere we would not have gone otherwise.

Aaron and I saw a post that the cherry trees in downtown Portland were being lit up, and that night was the last night the lights would be on. Downtown Portland has been in decline since the pandemic, and we have not spent much time there because of it. But when we saw the post about the cherry trees, it looked like something worth getting out for, so we decided to go.

We parked further away, which meant more steps, and walked along the waterfront. The waterfront is usually lined with cherry trees in full bloom this time of year. There were zero blossoms in sight. We genuinely thought we had been fooled.

By the time we had almost made it to the Burnside Bridge, we saw the lights.

It was smaller than it looked online, just a cluster of lit trees in the cold wind with a crowd that had the same idea we did. The reality did not match the post, but that was never really the point. We came to move, to get out of our usual loop, and to do something different together. We did all three. We took our photos, soaked in the moment, and decided we were ready for the next part of the evening. The cold wind settled that decision quickly. We asked each other what sounded good for dinner, and said "ramen" at the same time.

We found a spot we had never tried, ordered ramen, and let the hot broth do its job. The evening ended up better than it started. This is what happens when you commit to trying new things instead of staying in your comfort zone. And it turns out there is a reason that feeling is real, not just for one night, but for the relationship you are building over time.

Take the Sync Quiz to see where your relationship has the most room to grow.

The closeness you feel from a night like that does not start when you arrive. It starts when you decide to go. Research on date planning and self-expansion found that simply planning a more exciting experience together produces measurable closeness and growth before the event even happens, meaning the anticipation is already doing real work on your relationship.

A separate long-term study found that couples who reported more boredom and fewer shared exciting activities at year seven of their relationship were significantly less satisfied nine years later, even when they started from the same baseline of happiness.

Familiarity is not the enemy of a great relationship. Defaulting to it without ever choosing anything else is.

Pull up your step data right now. Pull up your step data right now. Take a look at your weekly average, and then ask each other one question: where can we move this week that we have never walked together before?

Pick one new place. Put it on the calendar, and go.

In Friday’s newsletter, we are going to talk about how to build more agency into your fitness, how to actually enjoy it, and how to get the most out of what you are already doing. Don’t miss it.

With care,

💛 Jaylene & Aaron,

Sync & Thrive

P.S. New here? Start with the Sync Quiz → https://www.syncyourwellness.com/quiz

If there’s a dynamic in your relationship you’d like us to explore, send us a note at [email protected]. Many of our best topics start with reader conversations.

Most of what we write about lives inside four everyday areas of life together: how we move, how we eat, how we connect, and how we reset.